Goals. Everyone has them for pretty much every other aspect of our lives, including our relationships. Being in a healthy relationship and having goals as a couple can be good, however sometimes setting relationship goals can backfire on us and have the opposite effect we were hoping for.
Relationship experts warn that some common relationship goals can actually be toxic. Here are some relationship goals that these experts say you shouldn’t set.
Never Fighting With Each Other
Relationship expert Davida Rappaport warns couples that this goal is unrealistic because all couples have disagreements but stuffing all your feelings down or not talking to your partner about what’s going on can lead to resentment and anger.
This is how holes suddenly appear in drywall and doors to the laundry room (not speaking from experience of course!). The key, and common theme you’ll find, is communication!
Making Each Other The Center of Your Worlds
This is the number one most toxic relationship goal and also what makes the rest of us want to hurl when we see Karen and Clark’s PDAs constantly! Yes, you want to make your partner A priority but not THE ONLY priority in your life. Dedicating your whole life to them isn’t good for you.
Following Modern Trends to be the “Cool” Couple
Our avatars on social media are not really who we are, but we often set goals based on what we see everybody else doing but that doesn’t mean it’s good for your relationship. Compromising your values to follow a trend can be toxic so forget about what’s “cool” and do what matters to you. Besides, the people we think are ‘cool’ are really just being themselves, not copying someone else.
Living Together By Six Months & Engaged by One Year
Setting a strict timeline or even expectations can be very toxic for a couple. Relationships move at their own pace and it’s okay to take your time. Many people are together for years before they get married or even live together.
Setting A Weekly Date Night
Now this one I disagree with, but experts say that if your date night feels too routine or like a chore then it’s time to shake things up. When couples reach the 10+ years together mark, or after having children that consume their lives, scheduling a date night can actually save relationships. The key is to do what fits your unique situation, which really isn’t that unique as most couples go through the same phases so you’re not alone.
Aligning Your Futures
Yes, you and your partner are a team, but you’re also individuals who need separate career and future goals. My wife and I have very different personal interests and we are perfectly happy giving each other our own space (literally) in the house to do our own thing. This does not mean you don’t support your partner and their path, no that is still important but you don’t want to compromise your own path to do it.
Splitting Everything 50/50
This can get petty real fast. Equality is good, but keeping score is a horrible idea. All this will lead to is resentment when you keep track of everything. You’re in a relationship and it’s okay for one partner to give without expecting anything in return. If my wife wants to pay for dinner I let her! Mostly because I’m broke, but the point is still valid!